Since I have become active in PTA again, I'm on about ten listserves (maybe only five, but really, I am hardly exaggerating!). Last night or this morning, a message came looking for gently-used winter jackets in various sizes, including the largest need for Mens' L. We have, I think, three jackets that belonged to Thomas in our basement in the portable closet containing a lot of his civilian clothes. He really liked clothes--and these are nice jackets. I should give them away. I need to give them away. I'm just not sure that I can zip open the closet and remove the coats and bundle them up and hand them over to Patti; at least not without falling apart. You do the things you are ready to do: I know that I'm close to being ready to do this. It just feels
like I'm giving some of him away, but I know that's not true. Like E.T., he's right here and he's never leaving.

So why can't I give these things away?

****
I forgot one of the March, 2005 deaths. My sister's best friend, Carolyn, died of ovarian cancer early that month as well. I had not known Carolyn well but in late October of 2004, she and my sister came to my house to stay for a week and tour Washington. She wanted to see Washington before she died. We did as much as we could, driving to Mount Vernon on a beautiful fall day, taking the bus tour to see the monuments, including the VietNam memorial which I had never visited before. The visit had to be cut short as Carolyn was finding it increasingly difficult to get around and so they went home a couple of days earlier than planned. A week and a half after they left, Thomas was killed, two weeks later my sister had come back.

All I can say is, it was a privilege to host Carolyn on that final trip. Thomas had met her at the end of September when I was out in Washington (state), just a small connection, but important.