Christmas is fast approaching. Mostly I would say that holidays haven't bothered me much (you see how I feel about Thanksgiving) but this year seems harder. Maybe because this year we have Leah and I know that Thomas would have loved her, or maybe it's just the accumulation of surrounding events. I'd just like him to be here with us.

I had lunch today with one of my Gold Star mothers (these are my people now). It was good to meet and talk and eat and then I just ended up crying a little. We've met for lunch several times over the last few years (we always think we'll be able to do this more often but life comes up) and I always end up crying. Just for a moment--then the storm passes and I'm OK. If there had been more time today after lunch, I would have gone to the cemetery to see the place where Thomas lies and maybe more important to see the place his friends visit. Hopefully I will be able to carve out some time tomorrow to take flowers or at least leave one of the flags that I buy whenever I find them.

When I came downstairs this evening to write this, the lights in the display cabinet were on--they just seem to come on spontaneously sometimes (judging by other events, I think it's related to fluctuations in the power supply). I need to pick up the stuff that we lent to the library--the lights reminded me that his picture is missing from our living room.