Monday, November 05, 2012

Bring on the Carols--I'm done with November

I was in Kohl's department store the day after Halloween, looking for a new purse.  I'm always looking for a new purse, one that is not too heavy but not so small that I can't fit everything I need in there (wallet, cardholder, pens, Kleenex, two tape measures, phone--you get the picture).  After finding a suitable candidate, I walked around the store.  Kohl's merchandising is always very seasonally-oriented and there was some Thanksgiving stuff out, towels, serving dishes and so on.  I'm just absent-mindedly walking along when  I realize two things:  they have already put out Christmas decorations and there is a popular Christmas song playing overhead.  And for one moment I thought "It's Advent already, we've passed the hard days of November 11th and Thanksgiving and we are moving on in the calendar."  Until that moment, I had not realized, or let myself realize, how hard this approach to Thomas's date and the dates of subsequent events really is.  I do not play the "what if" game:  I've been relentless in facing the reality of what happened because I know that returning to earth after such a fantasy would end badly, but for just that moment, my mind stepped outside of time without my permission and gave me that tiny break.